“Halle Berry @ age 47 just gave birth to her 2nd child. Um..what biological clock? Ladies, there is hope when life doesn’t go as planned. Take care of yourself….and Believe. It will still happen for you.”
I wrote this on my Facebook page on October 7, 2013. Five years ago. I was 39 then. And looking for confirmation that my life would work out just fine in this particular area…because it had worked out for Halle..then Mariah…then Janet. Well the baby part. Not the marriages. Sigh.
The truth is I don’t regret not having a child with my ex-husband or any man from my past for that matter. Maybe I love my unborn more than my desire to become a mother, especially in less than ideal circumstances. I never wanted my kid to go through what I did coming from a divorced household. Not if I could help it. So I popped The Pill like candy through more than half of my marriage. We were not stable as a couple. There was no way I was bringing a child into it. When I thought we were stable, I stopped. But smoke, dirty mirrors…love blinds. The spirit KNOWS what you can’t see naturally. And it didn’t happen. By God’s grace.
yet i desire…still.
I know many women. Beautiful, intelligent, strong, feminine, articulate, spiritual, ambitious women. Who are single but desiring. Childless but desiring. And over 35. Most of these women, including myself, could be in a relationship…and could have a child or three. It’s not for lack of opportunities themselves. These single ladies are not jumping on the first “willing to-wanting to wife-you” man that comes along even if he is offering a cute face, swag, financial security, a pair of hairy thighs and potent seed. In truth, many are offering wayyyyyyy less than this. The issue? Besides some basic standards not listed here? The indescribable unique connection. Do we want too much? Some may think so. I, myself, would think so if the standards were superficial…like the 666.
“Girl, he MUST be 6 feet tall with a 6 pack AND a 6 figure income…or don’t even speak to me. Ya bum!”
Meanwhile her jiggling gut is stuffed inside some yoga pants while she hits up her girl to borrow $20 til next Friday for her busfare and lunch. But I digress.
Listen, I won’t list the things that we, The Grown & Single Class, desire…want…need. Besides, I let go of “The List” years ago. Truly, when we find it…and it finds us…we’ll know. In the meantime, don’t worry. We’ll wait. In my Kat Williams voice. But not the hair. Never the Kat Williams hair.
mai lesson – You’ve come too far to compromise on what’s important now. Your time will come. When it does, it won’t be perfect. Nothing is. But it will be worth it.
I needed to read this! This is a daily struggle for me. Especially me seein all of my girlfriends getting married and having kids. But you are right. Yes my time will come… and i want it to be married and happy before bringing in a baby. I as well do not regret not having a child with my ex.
I completely understand the struggle. It can be challenging…but it is true…your time will come. Mine too! 🙂
Amen! My babygirl sounds like a grown woman wit’ some SENSE! Lol😀 Wisdom says “enjoy the journey, today”🤗💝💝💝
Lol…thank you!
Needed this. I’m no longer in the single class, but definitely still in the childless (+ not for lack of trying). I watched as almost the last of my friends to get married – thought it would happen in my 20s but it didn’t until I was 34…and like you said, it wasn’t perfect (but it was so worth the wait). Now the wait continues with the desire for children + sometimes that’s an even greater heartache as everyone around me seems to be able to get pregnant so easily…but I’m holding on to the reminder that if it’s God’s will, it’ll happen in His timing regardless of what I think the biological clock says. And it won’t be perfect, but it’ll be worth it ❤
Amen.
I agree with you totally Shebeta. As a wise man once said “Settle for more.”
Love it!
I guess you would consider me a veteran of the Real Grown, single and childless class. LOL I am 51 now and I believe my family has given up on me. They used to say “When are you getting married, when are you going to have a baby? No one is asking anymore. LOL The men I meet aren’t shocked about the fact that I have never been married but they are shocked that I have no children. I often reply that I did not want to be a single parent on purpose. I did not want to have a child if I did not have a husband. I don’t feel bad about that. I was blessed to have a two parent home. I wanted what I had…so I waited. When I was called into ministry at the age of 43 most of my family and friends figured that I decieded that it was just going to be me and Jesus Lol. If I were granted a do over would I change my decision. No. I have a few friends male and female who are constantly in a battle with their childs mother/father. Being single and childless does bother me at times but when I look back at my entire journey…God has been good to me. I still expect to get married one day. It’s not over until God says it’s over.
Yes! Thank you for sharing your story Aretha. It is not over. Period.